So, today I attended the funeral of an aunt. She was a quiet, unassuming, beautiful person, with--as I now suppose--a very high tolerance for pain. In April, she finally appeared at her local medical establishment, trying to get to the bottom of some very prevalent pain in her back. Physical therapy, they said. She just needed some exercise of those joints that were bothering her. So she complied, of course, as do we all--don't we?...when the medical establishment tells us what to do and after all, we want to be rid of the pain. Hmmm..... However, am I the only one who thinks that perhaps an internal look should have been required before...BEFORE the recommendation of "physical therapy". So in April, she complied with her "doctor" and followed the regimen, only to realize that the pain had increased, not diminished and so she made her way back to her medical "professional" to ask for an MRI, for which she had to persist because, after all...she was just a woman with a body and they were the experts with the uh....what shall we say here? Expertise? The MRI was done and hmm, guess what? She had cancer, stage 4...lungs, liver, everything, basically and although she began radiation treatments, she was gone by Mondy, June 14, 2010.
The minister asked if anyone wanted to say anything. I did, of course, want to say something, but I felt awkward, a feeling with which I should now be comfortable considering, I mean, you know? All things considered. But I did not stand up. Perhaps others would have after me, but I did not. What I would have said, would have been simply: Connie was warm and gentle and she sent me, as a freshman in college, in a faraway place, money from her small Sunday School class to help me in my endeavor there in that place. So every two weeks, for three years at least, I received $15/two weeks...or month, I can't quite remember now.All I can remember for sure is that it came and Connie expressed her pride in my endeavor and her hope for my future in the service of the Lord. Hmm...how cool. Now she holds His hand and has no more questions whatsoever. She has arrived as only we can arrive then. Not here. Not now. Only then.
So...today was messy, and it was a bit crazy, as most family get togethers are. And...it was incredibly lovely. I had the opportunity to "communicate" with two newbies. One. A brand new beagle pup as we exited the funeral home, couldn't control himself and strangled to meet the people flowing from the building. "Oh my god," I said to the woman, trying to restrain the pup, "He's soooo cute, can I pet him?" She was fine with that and I indulged and loved the way that life, human or creature, throws itself at other life, and loves. Just loves to be there, noticed, touched, acknowledged. Hmm...and then as we left Walmart, a woman there sat with a Chocolate Lab pup. She was gorgeous and again I could not resist. "May I pet her?" I asked. And so I did and so in one day: death and new life. Death, living again. Life, waiting to live, to love, to die and live again.
"I'm getting a Chocolate Lab," I said to my sister as we pulled out of Walmart. "When I get settled in somewhere, that's what I'm doing. And....a Golden too..." She smiled. Knowing that that might be a while in coming. But so what? Dreams are good, right? So, come when the time is right, I will have a Chocolate Lab and a Golden Retriever pup. Pups. And I will be then in a place where home touches heart and heart has found its way back to where and when it lost its way.
It was a messy, crazy, and so very lovely....day. :-)
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