Excerpt from: Messy, Crazy, Lovely Life...

Here is the first paragraph, the beginning of my book, an excerpt.

Part One:

Life came
Swelling, crashing upon the shores of heart
Deep, elusive, awing with power and strength
Holding humanity captive.

Once upon a time and here upon the earth there lived a woman who lost her home.
This home, open and welcoming and full of laughter and smiles and good tears and imaginings, gradually began to shrink and become dark. Her home had always been just right for her, for it had been designed and wonderfully made in secret, curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth by the best of the best built to the last intricate detail according to blueprint, according to plan. But the woman had decided that things were not as they should be. "Perhaps I should change this, it might be more acceptable this way," she reasoned and changed to accommodate and make room for expectations and roles. She packed up true and real expressions, for they had become burdensome, and set them on a shelf. She stored hurt in the cold beneath and bound it with cords of resentment, where moth and rust would corrupt. "There, that looks better," she choked with a smile, and although everyone out there seemed to approve, she began to feel her throat tighten, and she could not find the air to breathe and her eyes could no longer see the way.
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So begins the complete manuscript. The first, the only of its kind for me...and we shall see where it goes.

Today. Messy. Crazy. Lovely.

So, today I attended the funeral of an aunt. She was a quiet, unassuming, beautiful person, with--as I now suppose--a very high tolerance for pain. In April, she finally appeared at her local medical establishment, trying to get to the bottom of some very prevalent pain in her back. Physical therapy, they said. She just needed some exercise of those joints that were bothering her. So she complied, of course, as do we all--don't we?...when the medical establishment tells us what to do and after all, we want to be rid of the pain. Hmmm..... However, am I the only one who thinks that perhaps an internal look should have been required before...BEFORE the recommendation of "physical therapy". So in April, she complied with her "doctor" and followed the regimen, only to realize that the pain had increased, not diminished and so she made her way back to her medical "professional" to ask for an MRI, for which she had to persist because, after all...she was just a woman with a body and they were the experts with the uh....what shall we say here? Expertise? The MRI was done and hmm, guess what? She had cancer, stage 4...lungs, liver, everything, basically and although she began radiation treatments, she was gone by Mondy, June 14, 2010.

The minister asked if anyone wanted to say anything. I did, of course, want to say something, but I felt awkward, a feeling with which I should now be comfortable considering, I mean, you know? All things considered. But I did not stand up. Perhaps others would have after me, but I did not. What I would have said, would have been simply: Connie was warm and gentle and she sent me, as a freshman in college, in a faraway place, money from her small Sunday School class to help me in my endeavor there in that place. So every two weeks, for three years at least, I received $15/two weeks...or month, I can't quite remember now.All I can remember for sure is that it came and Connie expressed her pride in my endeavor and her hope for my future in the service of the Lord. Hmm...how cool. Now she holds His hand and has no more questions whatsoever. She has arrived as only we can arrive then. Not here. Not now. Only then.

So...today was messy, and it was a bit crazy, as most family get togethers are. And...it was incredibly lovely. I had the opportunity to "communicate" with two newbies. One. A brand new beagle pup as we exited the funeral home, couldn't control himself and strangled to meet the people flowing from the building. "Oh my god," I said to the woman, trying to restrain the pup, "He's soooo cute, can I pet him?" She was fine with that and I indulged and loved the way that life, human or creature, throws itself at other life, and loves. Just loves to be there, noticed, touched, acknowledged. Hmm...and then as we left Walmart, a woman there sat with a Chocolate Lab pup. She was gorgeous and again I could not resist. "May I pet her?" I asked. And so I did and so in one day: death and new life. Death, living again. Life, waiting to live, to love, to die and live again.

"I'm getting a Chocolate Lab," I said to my sister as we pulled out of Walmart. "When I get settled in somewhere, that's what I'm doing. And....a Golden too..." She smiled. Knowing that that might be a while in coming. But so what? Dreams are good, right? So, come when the time is right, I will have a Chocolate Lab and a Golden Retriever pup. Pups. And I will be then in a place where home touches heart and heart has found its way back to where and when it lost its way.

It was a messy, crazy, and so very lovely....day. :-)

Well then...

This can't be as complicated as I have supposed, right? I need to blog to unclog so here I am. This, however, will be just a short piece for I want to know if, after of this, I can actually find my own blog and then sign in and...uh, blog. Would be nice, right? I mean go ahead, not if yes and...well, never mind. :-) Okay, now I'm going to try to see how this works. I shall return. I hope.

Time tells..

So yet another year has passed. Time told the story, now we know. One year ago, I needed time to tell me then what time has told me now. But it seems that time does not cooperate that way and we are left to wonder, wander, scooping up pieces of hope, throwing out blankets of doubt. Then we accept the fact that only with time will we know. Only with that and only then. The thing is, though, that there is a way to know things before time tells. I'm pretty sure, at least, that one year ago my heart, my intuition, was already telling me firmly the facts about this or that situation in question. Hmm...wow. And so it goes and so it has gone for many years, I have only now seen this. So, I'm a bit irritated at myself for allowing time to go by before I confirm aloud that which I already knew before time past and as time showered its daily dose of heart-speak.

Anyway. Hmm...
A messy, crazy, woman...

What I'm thinking...

I'm thinking that I have already done this before, sooooo....out there, all of you tons of readers, if you've seen this before, escusame por favor???? Where have I been? What have I been doing? Why am I recreating what I have already created? This, this is the reason. I am just that, the title, messy and crazy. Lovely? Hmm....well, maybe that too, but the jury's still out on that one, ya know?